this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
