I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
