new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
