Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
