porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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