South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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