he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
