Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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