I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
