I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
