drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
