Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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