the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
