i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
