i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
