Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
