the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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