so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize