I could make wine with my vomit
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
