I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
