I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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