there's paper in my vomit.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
