PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
