I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
