??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
