If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
