I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
