im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
