God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
