I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
