She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
