Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish i was in the wii world.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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