and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I believe in your delicious
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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