I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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