i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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