if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This baby is an asshole
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
