thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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