Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
