i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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