it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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