My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
