Whod you bang
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
