The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
