oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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