I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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