You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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