These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
