I want to walk on stilts...naked
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
