Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
