Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
