Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
