i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
