So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
